Hilary and I have had our share of issues, arguments, and struggles in our marriage. Stress heightens emotions and the struggles resurface. After a recent “conflict,” I was reflecting on why I became so frustrated and argumentative—okay, childish.
I realized that I keep trying to convince Hilary to come further my way. It hasn’t worked in ten years. And they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.
Hilary has a way of operating and seeing the world. I have a way of operating and seeing the world. My reality is not better than hers, or visa versa. In fact, for the relationship to thrive, we’ll likely need to continue to forge “shared” reality—somewhere in the middle-ish. I relinquish my absolute way as she does hers, and we discover something shared between us.
By the way, even if the other person doesn’t seem to be as committed to the middle as you, it’s possible to win them over if your humility is real and your interest in their way is genuine and honoring. Hilary has to show me that grace far too often.
“Don’t be selfish…Be humble…Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” -Philippians 2:3-4