Shared reality

In Uncategorized by Caleb

Hilary and I have had our share of issues, arguments, and struggles in our marriage. Stress heightens emotions and the struggles resurface. After a recent “conflict,” I was reflecting on why I became so frustrated and argumentative—okay, childish. 

I realized that I keep trying to convince Hilary to come further my way. It hasn’t worked in ten years. And they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. 

Hilary has a way of operating and seeing the world. I have a way of operating and seeing the world. My reality is not better than hers, or visa versa. In fact, for the relationship to thrive, we’ll likely need to continue to forge “shared” reality—somewhere in the middle-ish. I relinquish my absolute way as she does hers, and we discover something shared between us. 

By the way, even if the other person doesn’t seem to be as committed to the middle as you, it’s possible to win them over if your humility is real and your interest in their way is genuine and honoring. Hilary has to show me that grace far too often. 

“Don’t be selfish…Be humble…Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” -Philippians 2:3-4 

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Spine

In Uncategorized by Caleb

In the past, I’ve gone to chiropractors when I’ve been in pain. Wear and tear from years of sports makes me vulnerable to periodic back pain, and chiropractors are part of the solution. But as I age—that sounds geriatric—I have an increasing awareness of, and concern for, the health of my spine. It’s the connector and protector and its importance is hard to overstate. 

Similar to how the soul fuels the whole, the spine helps keep your life aligned. The vertebrae have meaningful connections to different locations of your body. If this vertebrae is out, that organ is affected, and so. “A happy back keeps things on track.” 

So…

Sit up straight.

Pull back your shoulders. 

Keep your head from floating forward.

Your posture is an indicator of your overall health. Take care of your spine. 

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2019 Blessing

In Uncategorized by Caleb

Happy New Year!
May you…
…Run with perseverance, yet crawl when you need to. 
…Breathe many breathes, yet enjoy the breathe of Life. 
…Cling to your convictions, yet throw grace like confetti. 
…Focus on the task at hand, yet get away for good times. 
…Climb the mountain in front, yet regularly take in the view.
…Love and give generously, yet put on your oxygen mask first. 
…Chase the illusive dream, yet know you already possess what matters.
…Find time, daily, to be still and know that God is God, God is with you, and you are uniquely loved. 

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Near Death

In Uncategorized by Caleb

After saying goodbye to Hilary’s precious mom following a short battle with pancreatic cancer, I had a new perspective. I’d never been so close to death. I had never walked that journey—doctor appointments, treatments, visits, planning…being together and cherishing each day. It had an impact on me (beyond the painful loss of an incredible mother-in-law). 

Turns out, proximity to death can bring clarity to life. That tragedy led me rethink what really matters, and what doesn’t. 

The day after Kimi transitioned from this side to the next, I started a new habit. I woke up everyday for the next year and wrote down three things I was grateful for in my journal. That simple habit helped me to remember to keep an attitude of gratitude and enjoy my God-given life… because we never know how many days we have left. 

Gratitude journaling—a habit I’d recommend considering for 2019. 

Also, I recently created a mini-program called, My Near Death Experiment. I’m giving it away for free when you purchase Life to the Whole  in the next few days. That’s a value of $97, FOR FREE! I’m  motivated to serve as many people as possible with the insights and perspectives that have shaped my life. I hope you’ll take advantage of it and join me on this journey!

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Face-to-face and side-to-side

In Uncategorized by Caleb

Some conversations are best had face to face. Others, side by side. 

Face to face, knee to knee is more intimate, more intense, more focused and direct. Side by side means that you’re doing something else, and conversation can flow naturally over the course of the thing you’re doing. 

I had to have a difficult employment conversation with a guy on a team that I led. He caught me off guard and needed to talk. I felt the tension in his face and language so I suggested we take a walk. That way we were walking, looking around, and didn’t have to look at each other as we also searched for words. It was the right decision and made a challenging conversation a little bit easier. 

This week another friend of mine asked to ride mountain bikes with me. This is another opportunity to be together, doing something, and inevitably, conversation will ebb and flow… perhaps even more authentically than across the table at coffee. 

Of course there are lots of reasons to have stand-up and sit-down and brain-storming meetings when you’re in a room, face to face, and focused on a known goal. The key is that both or all parties are clear about the known goal. If not, or if you need to let a little pressure out of the conversation, take a walk—or a ride—and let relationship happen first. The agenda will flow from there. 

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Get blank

In Uncategorized by Caleb

Let me tell you one of the most important things I’m focusing on in 2019: 

Starting the day BLANK. 

What I mean is that I am committed to starting each day…

  • still
  • quiet
  • reflective
  • prayerful
  • reducing distractions
  • listening for instructions


I’m discovering that this is true: 
Clear away the crap and the path presents itself. 

“After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.” -1 Kings 19:11b-12

A gentle whisper might just change your life forever. But it can be difficult to hear amidst the other voices shouting in your ear. 

Then, each day, my goal is not addition, but subtraction. Less is more. 

Less fear
Less stress
Less worry
Less obligation
Less frantic activity


Don’t get me wrong. There’s PLENTY of work for me to do. So much, in fact, that it’s imperative that I do the right work, and only the right work. 

I go into much more depth in my new online course, Life to the Whole. Grab it here.

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Wear the hood

In Uncategorized by Caleb

We were walking as a family in the cold — 30 degrees in Leveanworth, WA. We wore borrowed or thrift-store-bought snow gear. It was effective but on the long walk home the layers were no match for the deepening chill. 

I carried Eden—my one year old—in the man-humbler pouch against my chest. She was bundled sufficiently, with one exception. She repeatedly rejected the hood.

At first, it was the beanie. After she threw it on the ground the third time I gave up and moved to the hood. But she wouldn’t allow the hood on her head either. Off she pushed it, over and over, expressing her discontentment in whiny noises.

As the parent, it’s not a good feeling. She’s cold. I know it; she knows it. But she doesn’t understand the correlation of the cold to the hood. The hood would keep the warmth in her body more than anything else she was wearing. But she hated it. She resisted… and rejected my best efforts… unknowingly marking herself cold and preventing me from helping the situation.

I wonder how often I do the same. 

I also wonder if my present uncomfortable circumstances are divine intervention, keeping me from some cold of night. Even though it’s uncomfortable, should I choose it, accept it, embrace it?

Should you?

P.S. I am so excited to let you know that I am sharing a short video from my online course.. FOR FREE! It’s called Healthy Means Whole and I really think taking a few minutes to watch it will be beneficial. Let me know if you have any questions!

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The day after

In Uncategorized by Caleb

So much build up… So much effort… And hopefully a lot of fun and joy. 

But either way, expect the post-Christmas hangover. Not because you drank too much, but because there is a calm after the storm that feels like a let-down. 

Embrace it. 

Try this: Journal for three minutes. Answer the following:

What surprised me this year?

Where did I see Jesus? 

What was disappointing? 

How can I give that disappointing situation a more empowering meaning? 

That last question is an important one. It’s one of the themes I dive into in my new course Life to the Whole. If you’re someone who spins out when events or people are unpleasant, you could really use this course. It will help you get out of your head—and their head—and embrace a narrative that helps you instead of hurts you. 

Simple, not easy. 

You can join my Life to the Whole course here. We will all start together January 6th. (I will be doing live Q&A’s throughout the 6 week course, in a private FB group that is only available to those going through the course.) And make sure you sign up now to take advantage of special bonus give-aways before they go away!

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Merry Christmas

In Uncategorized by Caleb

Merry Christmas to you!

I pray that today you sense the realness of a loving God who arrived as a vulnerable child–simple, humble, and accessible–to a world prone to ignore Him. Christmas reminds us that God is still arriving and still inviting you and I to pay attention and remember there’s more going on here. There’s a star in front of us and a cross behind us. The God of the universe is whispering your name.

Merry Christmas.

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1 day before Christmas

In Uncategorized by Caleb

There is only 1 day left before Christmas!

Happy Christmas Eve.

Christmas is a big deal—lights, presents, parties, movies, songs… But, amidst all the action, it’s easy to miss Jesus.

“He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize Him.” – John 1:10

People have been missing Jesus for 2,000 years.

Some thought He’d show up looking more like them. Some thought He’d show up looking more impressive. Some thought He’d be more religious. Others assumed He’d be a conquering hero and fix everything in their lives upon contact.

Jesus, it turns out, is more subtle. And you might miss Him if you’re not paying attention.

The same God that came to earth at night… as a baby… in a manger… is showing up in your life now. Are you looking for Him?

He might offend you with His normalness. He may underwhelm you with His power. He’ll likely whisper to you instead of shout. Are you listening?

Today is the last day! If you buy my “Life to the Whole”  course for yourself, you get access for a friend or family member for FREE! It’s our Christmas Buy-One-Get-One special, and it goes away after today. Watch this video to learn more about my course!

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